My name is Coralie Dufresne. My husband and I have been in foster care for almost
4 years. We are located in Outaouais and are currently foster parents of seven children under 12 years old.
What led us to become a host family was firstly the desire to have a family, which over time became a large family. It’s true that we had the desire to help, I would say, the most vulnerable people in the region. Children often arrive with attachment problems or behavioral problems even if they do not necessarily have
precise diagnoses. Emotionally I would tell you that it is never pleasant to see a child unhappy or sad or angry, except that at the same time it is part of the child’s development to learn to regulate their emotions, and we as parents our role is to support them in that.
Our reality is a little different also because we have several children who are close in age. They therefore have common interests; they have life experiences which are sometimes similar despite their differences. So, between them the children also learn to evolve, to listen to each other and to live together in the long term.
There are different ways to get support and service for our children. Each foster family has access to an educator for the placed child. So basically, it’s a worker who is associated with a family environment and who can intervene with the whole family.
Various training courses are offered to host families by the “Fédération des familles d’accueil”. There is training on attachment, there is training on different routines, there is training on different issues of child development. And these can be wonderful tools for new families and even families who are a little more experienced in learning how to equip children and support children through their challenges. It’s true that we have benefited from many services since we became a host family. On the other hand, it’s no secret that the health and social services system in Quebec has shortcomings. It’s true that due to a lack of resources, a lack of employees, many times the children and host families are also a little neglected.
There are times when things go very well, we have the same worker for a long time.
The children maintain a bond of trust with the caregiver. Then there are other times when for several weeks, even months, our file finds itself awaiting assignment.
This means that it is an emergency worker who answers the phone but it is not a stable worker for our file who does not primarily know the children entrusted to us. The children are represented by a prosecutor. The DPJ is also represented by a prosecutor who can answer our questions as a host family.
On the other hand, we do not have a lawyer who represents us as a host family. Even if we feel 1000% involved in the daily life and in the life of the child, we have our say if the judge asks us to say our say, then if the child’s prosecutor or the DPJ prosecutor has questions to ask us.
Otherwise, we are not directly invited to testify there, in court. We aim for good collaboration with the biological parents because it is in the best interests of the child. When it is beneficial for the child to have contact with the biological parents
we go in this direction, when it is no longer beneficial for the child well,
in this case we go through the workers. As for the possible return of a child to his parents, what we must understand is that when we are a regular foster family even before the child comes home, we know that there is a risk of leaving again and that is what is desired.
We love these children very much. It’s true that we become very attached to them.
On the other hand, when a child succeeds in returning to his biological environment, this means that the parents have succeeded in achieving all the objectives set for them by the court and then by Youth Protection.
So it is a victory in itself that a child returns to his biological environment.
It’s true that I imagine that there are a lot of prejudices in society regarding host families.
We often hear: “I couldn’t become a foster family because if the child leaves again I would be really destroyed or I would be too afraid to become attached.” To this I want to respond that we must not forget that being a foster family is a choice, that we know from the start that the child can leave again, that it is often a beautiful life story and then a beautiful turn of events.
You know for him, if everyone said that for fear of losing a child or for fear of feeling sad, he becomes, they do not become a foster family, there would be no host family in Outaouais to be able to welcome children who need a home. Certainly, another of the prejudices we hear is: “That host families do all this for the money.”.
To this I also want to answer that I know a lot of host families in the region, and I don’t know one who can stay a host family long term for the money. It’s true that being a host family allows us every day to be a full-time parent at home for children who do sports, who come with us on trips, who are currently living a very good life. Then in 2025 there is probably no job or lifestyle that would allow me to be at home with this child. So there is certainly a portion of money necessary to provide for the needs of our children. On the other hand, I don’t think that money can be the only motivation to stay as a host family in the long term, it’s too emotionally demanding. Another common misconception is that the physical criteria for becoming a host family are too demanding. In fact, we hear it very often. I think we have to bias this a little, and at the same time we have to remember that in everything and everywhere if there are laws or standards that have been established by the Ministries it is because there are situations where the limits have been compromised and where there are children who have been penalized. It’s true that there are physical criteria for houses that are still demanding. But if we think concretely about each of the elements that are requested, these are all criteria that are put in place
for the safety of children in the event of fire, in the event of serious incidents. Basically, we cannot expect the criteria to be lower to accommodate the most vulnerable children in society.
People often tell us that these criteria are too demanding, but these are children who have already been neglected. So because these are children who ultimately need to have a secure, safe, welcoming, warm environment. I think for any families who are hesitant about maybe wanting to welcome a child, I would tell them to definitely sign up for the information session. Go get information and then if they decide to take the plunge, the most valuable advice I have to give is also to inform those around you, because the children you are going to welcome will be around you, but they will also be around everyone around you.
I often like to say that, it takes a village to raise a child. Then the more those around you are informed about what it is like to welcome a child into youth protection,
the more informed and caring villagers will be, and the more welcoming and warm
everyone around the child will be. That is a bit like the Outaouais slogan: “Open your heart, share your roof. “. That’s really what becoming a host family is all about.
It’s about sharing our roof, sharing our time, sharing our energy. But it’s also about opening our hearts. And then it’s rewarding as an adult too. We learn a lot and we grow a lot by becoming parents of a child who doesn’t necessarily have the same background as us. What would perhaps be relevant for new host families if we want to keep them, I think, would be a mentorship program. The establishment would have to move forward and think about how the oldest host families could mentor the new host families, perhaps with a confidentiality contract. There is nothing better than a host family to listen to another host family. There is nothing better than a host family with experiences to answer the needs and questions of a new host family. But I think it’s the widest ear, it’s when host families have a network between them.
As a conclusion, I think that what I would like to remind people is that as a society, when we hear about the DPJ, when we hear about foster families, it is really often negative, because given that the DPJ comes with a very large air of confidentiality, we hear about it after major tragedies, we will think of “the little girl from Granby”, we hear about it after situations which are traumatic for society. On the other hand, the beautiful stories, the beautiful journeys of the children of the DPJ, the children who found a family for life, the children who end up being adopted, we never talk about that. And that’s part of several stories of children from the DPJ. It’s just that we don’t hear these stories. Then we, well, without the Director of Youth Protection we would not be very fulfilled foster parents, very fulfilled, and very happy to have this child.
